Paul Rudd in Role Models
Today is an angry day.
Angry @ life. Angry @ him. Angry that I can't control everything.
Yes, I'm OCD.
Yes, I have control issues.
But if I don't worry or control, who will?
I can only count on myself and Ella counts on me.
So I'm it.
My resolutions this year to were not be late anymore and to curse less.
So far, I'm half doing one and failing at the other.
I have too.
Sorry Kelsey... but it won't let me.
Good intentions and all of that. Just haven't been posting. I've been a bad internet friend. Not blogging, not reading and commenting. No facebook, myspace... you get the idea.
Just trying to get through one day at a time without SOMETHING BREAKING. Seriously. I guess that I should be grateful that I haven't broken. Or that Ella hasn't broken. And Susie hasn't broken - though that may change if she doesn't stop barking.
So lets end on a positive note.
Thanksgiving was tasty.
Ella will let me fix anything with a kiss.
I've only had to RE-light my tree twice.
I can afford presents this year.
I may yet end up with an awesome job.
I do have friends. Awesome friends.
And even though the moron hasn't scored in 14 games... I still believe and I'm grateful there are 6.5 years left....
It's hit today that there is no way I can afford this house. I'm going to have to move. Trying to motivate myself to get my stuff together - get rid of alot, but I just don't have any energy left.
Deflated balloon.. that's me. Everyone else seems to be doing ok.
So yeah, back to my train of thought, stream of consciousness... that's pretty much how I write. My hands don't always go as fast as my mind, so I apologize for the disconnectedness that happens quite often.
Major life changes are draining. I'll be excited about something, I'll have lists and plans and when its time to implement them... I'm just too tired. I watch Project Runway and I blog. Sometimes (if Ella isn't home) I add vodka to the mix.
I don't think this is depression, but it's certainly apathy and I hate that. I enjoy life (remember afore mentioned friends), but sheesh, this whole grown up all by myself thing sucks.
So here's my things in life that make things interesting:
- Pink Drinks
- "Looks" at the ice
- Text messages in meetings
- THE song on the radio
- Kelsey's ringtones
- Project Runway
- James Bond movies
- Grobanite Drama
and last but most certainly not least ELLA STORIES!
I probably should have entire days dedicated to Ella stories.
Next time. Promise.
So there, it's gone. Along with tirades regarding politics, religion, etc. It's probably for the best. Then I saw this. And I just have to save it for posterity, because really, one day she's gonna be an amazing athlete, and I can remind her about how she broke her first nose - her mommys. Ah to be young again...
It was time to get on the plane, she refused, I picked her up, she slammed
her head back into my eye. Loosened some cartiledge and blackened my eye. I
can't wait to sign her up for hockey!